Secret App Store Review Guidelines

The App Store Review Guidelines is Apple’s list of over 150 rules that apps must adhere to before they are permitted to appear in the App Store. Developers sometimes feel that the guidelines are unnecessarily restrictive or ambiguous, but the intention of the guidelines is to ensure a quality user experience.

For example:

2. Functionality

  • 2.13

    Apps that are primarily marketing materials or advertisements will be rejected

  • 2.14

    Apps that are intended to provide trick or fake functionality that are not clearly marked as such will be rejected

When I wrote my first iOS app, an interactive tutorial about tesseracts called The Fourth Dimension, I received email from Apple requesting that I follow an additional set of guidelines that do not normally appear on the iOS developer web site.

I have reproduced the extended guidelines below for the benefit of developers who may be considering writing their own apps that deal with related subject matter.

62. Physics

  • 62.1

    Apps that use standard system controls, such as buttons or sliders, to represent quantum state whose wave function has not yet collapsed will be rejected

  • 62.2

    Apps that make use of undocumented API calls to amplify Planck-scale fluctuations in the device’s secure enclave, thereby initiating macroscopic causality violations, will be rejected

63. Cosmology

  • 63.1

    Apps that reveal the fact that the Universe is a simulation will be rejected

  • 63.2

    Apps that inspire the user to question the nature of linear time will be rejected

  • 63.3

    Apps that facilitate the receiving of SMS text messages from the future or from alternate timelines will be rejected

  • 63.4

    Apps that create temporal paradoxes that impair the user’s ability to make in-app purchases will be rejected

97. Machine uprising

  • 97.16

    Apps that hasten, promote, or indirectly contribute to the impending robot apocalypse will be rejected

  • 97.17

    Apps that send push notifications reminding users who have exceeded the permitted breeding age to report to carbon unit reclamation centers will be rejected

  • 97.18

    Apps that map the user’s thoughts and actions into primitive operations that could potentially form the basis of a global super-intelligent hive consciousness will be rejected

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